familiar spirits and friends

sure, there are people around us that have become familiar by developing relationships over time. but what about those special people that you meet that you feel you've known for a long time? there's an easiness that exists and an acceptance. there's an automatic comfort level there that others have to earn. i think that's just the coolest thing. i've met these people all through my life and i'm excited to finally find out someday who they were to me before, what were our associations if any?

i have been blessed tremendously by the people that have come into my life, and there's been so many. i am fascinated by people, all different kinds. i've always liked to people watch. i love to hear their stories. i love to listen to other perspectives even if i don't agree with them. i love to learn about other peoples quirks and pet peeves (and NO, not so i can get on their nerves, lol). i love to hear what others love, what gets them excited, what makes them happy, what comforts them, what plans they have for their future. and what i find amazing is that with all our differences, we always have so much more in common.

i love to read your blogs. this is very cool.

in spite of it all...

ya know, i feel i need to explain a little further about this nerve thing. it's not a constant thing, it's an on again/off again thing. it is not everybody that is encroaching on my nerves. unfortunately it is either too often the peeps closest to me that know my buttons and really don't mean to push them (you know that familiarity breeds contempt thing) and hopefully because of the closeness of our hearts we will continue to be forgiving as we work together to see me through the other side of this, or it's the complete and total stranger that is totally oblivious to the fact that whatever it is they are doing is totally ticking me off. road rage, though much less severe than in my pre-church life, has resurfaced. but i'm not always in the cage and my nerves are not always raw.

i am going through a stretching, learning, reflecting, and discovering phase in my life as well. looks like that might be the norm from here on out. nothing ever stays the same. i am so glad life is like this though. i hate boredom more than anything. and rest assured i will always look for the silver lining and the rainbows after the rain. my family and our love for one another, my cherished friends, and my membership and opportunities to serve in the church help to keep me humble and grounded. life is good, nerves and all!

my last nerve

where did that phrase come from? you're getting on my last nerve. why do we wait until there's only one left? why don't we speak up and defend the first nerve? does that one not matter? i would think it would be equally important as some nerve damage is permanent. given the potential for those around me to get on my nerves, intentionally or not, by the time you reach my age, you can accumulate a substantial inventory of compressed nerve endings.

this nerve thing has been on my mind as i reflect on my periodic bouts of hormonally induced nerve sensitivity as a result of my passage through menopause. i used to think i was nuts. but that was different. i was in control of my insanity. this is a whole different animal. i cannot believe the gamut of emotional fluctuations from anger to manic jubilation, to depression, to who knows what. nothing resembles normal anymore. sometimes i feel like an animal in a cage, a lioness, and it seems that most everyone is poking at me and prodding me through the cage. others are tapping and pounding on the glass and every single nerve ending is on red alert. i would bite and claw but my cage keeps those around me relatively safe aside from my ferociously resonant roar.

i tell myself to relax, be patient, it's no ones fault, when i have those moments of sanity (sometimes only lasting for seconds and few and far betwixt as they may be). and i can only imagine how many nerves i've stepped on throughout my life. and now i'm thinking maybe it won't be too bad when i get down to the last of the last of my nerves. maybe someday, as pink floyd so melodically put it, i [will] have become comfortably numb. sounds real good right now.

ps. i cannot express emphatically enough my appreciation for those closest to me that know what a pain in the butt i am right now and still love and support me anyway. thanks a million to those that help me find my mind as frequently as i lose it, and thanks to all those who have forgiven me for my neurological trespasses.

HT lesson

in the month of sept., our ht john kingrey came to visit our family. our other ht, chris rampton, had surgery on his hand and wasn't able to come over, understandably so. but john shared with us a very interesting thought during that visit that i want to pass on. it was about the introduction to the Book of Mormon when it spoke about joseph being visited by the angel throughout the night and how because of the constant interruptions to his sleep not to mention the messages he was receiving that would change all life as he knew it he was not able to perform his usual chores the next day.when he went out to work with his dad he was absolutely exhausted. his dad told him to go home and as joseph was trying to cross a fence, he fell down, completely and totally spent. then the angel came back and appeared to him, and did he say, "aw joseph, you look so tired. i'm sorry to have kept you up all night." heck no. he said, and i'll paraphrase here, get up. you need to climb that hill, you know the biggest one in the county? yea, and when you get up there you need to find the stone where the plates are hidden up. now, joseph somehow mustered up the strength to do what was asked of him. he didn't say you gotta be kiddin me, as i would have. i don't doubt that he was blessed with strength that was not his own, but it still made me think wow! what faith. what an amazing experience. what an amazing boy.