my last nerve

where did that phrase come from? you're getting on my last nerve. why do we wait until there's only one left? why don't we speak up and defend the first nerve? does that one not matter? i would think it would be equally important as some nerve damage is permanent. given the potential for those around me to get on my nerves, intentionally or not, by the time you reach my age, you can accumulate a substantial inventory of compressed nerve endings.

this nerve thing has been on my mind as i reflect on my periodic bouts of hormonally induced nerve sensitivity as a result of my passage through menopause. i used to think i was nuts. but that was different. i was in control of my insanity. this is a whole different animal. i cannot believe the gamut of emotional fluctuations from anger to manic jubilation, to depression, to who knows what. nothing resembles normal anymore. sometimes i feel like an animal in a cage, a lioness, and it seems that most everyone is poking at me and prodding me through the cage. others are tapping and pounding on the glass and every single nerve ending is on red alert. i would bite and claw but my cage keeps those around me relatively safe aside from my ferociously resonant roar.

i tell myself to relax, be patient, it's no ones fault, when i have those moments of sanity (sometimes only lasting for seconds and few and far betwixt as they may be). and i can only imagine how many nerves i've stepped on throughout my life. and now i'm thinking maybe it won't be too bad when i get down to the last of the last of my nerves. maybe someday, as pink floyd so melodically put it, i [will] have become comfortably numb. sounds real good right now.

ps. i cannot express emphatically enough my appreciation for those closest to me that know what a pain in the butt i am right now and still love and support me anyway. thanks a million to those that help me find my mind as frequently as i lose it, and thanks to all those who have forgiven me for my neurological trespasses.